I’ve been cherished by countless people, I’ve been alone and I’ve been in the waiting season. But I feel like I am finally ‘there.” Home to myself and where I belong. It’s not a physical place, yet. But it’s a home inside that is growing fruitfully on the outside. So I find myself today wondering if there are women out there that still haven’t made it home. Home to themselves. That may need need some humble, practical advice.

There are so many things I was taught by my mother, my father, and by the people I’ve met along the way. But some lessons in life, truth be told, only come from learning the hard way.

So I offer these words not because I think I have all the answers, but because I know there is some woman out there who may need to hear this—and hear it without an agenda.

I want to see young women grow into the best version of themselves, for the Lord, into a harvest for themselves and a future husband. I want to see older women blossom into beautiful gardens, full of wisdom and grace, with rose bushes that no longer need their thorns. Who can also become great and wonderful friends who become, wonderful and irresistible potential wives.

Most of all, I want women—young, older, and elderly—to stay safe and out of harm’s way. Because I’m tired of hearing the real stories of women being abused, exploited, manipulated, and taken advantage of by other women, by men, by employers, landlords, friends, and even family.

I write this for women because I don’t have a man’s perspective. I have only lived and known what life is like as a woman, and I would never be so arrogant as to assume I understand what boys and men face in this world. I’ll leave that to Robert to explain.

I started writing this as a post, but it kept getting longer, so I figured I ought to put it here on the blog in case there’s somebody out there who needs a little guidance right now.

It started after I watched a video online about a young woman studying to become an attorney. She had escaped an abusive relationship and was living with what she described as an abusive man. She eventually rented an Airbnb in Minnesota. She had prepaid somewhere in the thousands for a peaceful place to stay with her two cats while she studied for the bar exam.

But it didn’t stay peaceful for long.

Not long after she arrived, she became the target of extreme harassment and abuse and was put in a position where she was vulnerable to becoming homeless—all because she asked for pest control to be called about the countless spiders in the apartment.

The woman upstairs had taken her in knowing she was already vulnerable, and then took advantage of that vulnerability. She broke into her apartment. She harassed her with extreme noise and taunting. She even threw a real tarantula into the woman’s apartment, along with other disturbing acts, all while playing worship music at an incredibly loud volume.

It was plain as day that she wanted the woman gone—and she wanted her gone immediately, even after taking her money.

In the end, the woman responsible was arrested for assault, harassment, and disorderly conduct. There was at least some justice in that.

But it made me angry.

Because this happens to women everywhere, especially women who are alone, vulnerable, or already trying to put their lives back together.

I know I’ve explained more times than I can count how much Robert tried to help women like this. Sometimes, unfortunately, he helped the wrong women. He gave women shelter, work, and kindness when he could.

And he did it without realizing that sometimes he was helping the woman upstairs instead of the woman downstairs—the woman who would have been endlessly grateful and never expected or wanted anything more from him.

He was helping the woman who knew how to look like the victim.

The vulnerable one.

The kind one.

The hardworking one.

The woman who appeared to need saving.

But underneath that mask was a psychopath, a sociopath, a narcissist—someone he had no reason to believe was any of those things at the time.

Had there been one of them, maybe even two or three, Robert could have fought back and won.

But there were countless ones over the course of 35 years.

The woman upstairs did exactly what people who manipulate others often do when they are caught. When the police arrived, she put on her mask.

She told them she was Catholic and needed the worship music to soothe herself. (Catholic people know that worship music is Pentecostal and not Catholic). She told them she was a politician who respected and appreciated the police and the law. She accused the woman downstairs of being crazy and insisted she was the problem, all while sometimes being inconsistent and incoherent herself.

Then an old man appeared and supported her story, suggesting that the woman downstairs was mentally deranged.

If the conversation had stopped right there, you might have believed them.

And that’s the danger.

Even when the police went downstairs and found the woman frantic, distressed, emotionally exhausted, frightened, upset, and barely holding herself together, it would still have been easy for someone to assume she was the one who was mentally unhinged.

That’s what people often do.

They take the first person at their word.

Then, when they see the target exhausted, disheveled, frantic, angry, shocked, crying, frustrated, and unable to make sense of what has happened to them, they decide that person must be the crazy one, and they attack the vulnerable one being abused.

Isn’t that what happened during Robert’s Gayle King interview?

People judged his response to years of harassment and abuse, including smear campaigns and false allegations, as evidence that he was guilty. They didn’t see a man who was exhausted, frustrated, shocked, hurt, betrayed, and had had enough.

Those are human reactions to abuse and abusers.

Imagine having one person doing that to you.

Now imagine having around 50, as described in the documentary, with people recruiting others online to bully and harass you over crimes and stories that weren’t true.

By the time Robert gave that interview—the first time he had spoken publicly—he was done.

He wanted people to know what had happened.

He tried to appeal to people’s humanity, logic, reason, and common sense. But Gayle and her audience seemed so disconnected from reality; instead, they ended up exactly where the people causing the harm wanted them.

They became another tool for inflicting more pain, more humiliation, and more harm.

I know this was supposed to be about women, but this blog is also the story of Robert and me, and there is a lesson here for women too.

Because what happened to Robert happens to women all over the world.

Except women aren’t always as strong as Robert was.

And many don’t survive that kind of abuse—even when it comes from only one person.

I’ve said it over and over again: abuse comes in many forms.

It isn’t just physical or sexual.

Verbal abuse is often tolerated, just as it was when it was directed at Robert. The very people claiming to stand against abuse were using abuse as a weapon against him.

There was verbal abuse.

Financial abuse.

Psychological abuse.

Spiritual abuse.

And even threats of physical harm against him.

So what does that say about us as a society?

It says some tolerate certain kinds of abuse in themselves and others when they believe the person being targeted deserves it. They may even encourage it and praise it as standing up against abuse!

But when people believe someone is innocent, suddenly they’re outraged by the very same behavior. It’s the greatest, most evil hypocrisy!

Time and time again, we hear stories of people being falsely accused, falsely slandered, and falsely painted as the problem—or as the abuser.

People who manipulate others can be masterful at one thing: gaslighting, deflecting, and projecting who they are onto someone else.

Then the people who are followers rather than leaders—people who are plentiful and often too willing to believe the crowd—fall into line and become tools for the abuser. They become the abusers of innocent people themselves. The cycle of abuse is so ingrained in society as normal that almost everyone today is a serial abuser, at least online but also many in real life. 

And it isn’t always believed when the person being targeted is physically bigger, older, has a higher status, or a man. 

Somewhere along the way, the pendulum has swung so far that people sometimes believe only certain kinds of people can commit terrible things. They believe today that women can’t be the abusers in such situations, and that’s what makes other women vulnerable to such women themselves. 

Evil doesn’t check your age, your gender, your size, your position, or your social standing before it causes harm.

Anybody can hurt somebody.

Young or old.

Man or woman.

Powerful or powerless.

And some damage, once done, cannot simply be undone.

So my advice today here begins with that in mind.

Pay attention to the person who seems too good to be true.

Pay attention to the person who always has a victim story but somehow leaves destruction behind them everywhere they go.

Pay attention when somebody’s words and actions don’t line up.

And most of all, don’t assume that the person who looks the most distressed must be the person who caused the trouble.

Sometimes, sweetheart, the person who looks the least shaken is the one who knows exactly what they’re doing.

And sometimes the person falling apart is simply the person who has been holding themselves together for far too long.

This is what I had to say about the video I watched that has inspired me to offer my 2 cents of hope, for single women out there young, older or mature and refined in age.

1. The woman upstairs is a psychopath or at least a narcissist in my superficial view and has nothing to do with Catholicism/Christianity.
2. People are not educated enough about psychosis or how easily it can remain hidden within workplaces, families, online communities, movements, charities, schools, and broader society. As a result, people can be deceived or manipulated by individuals experiencing serious mental health issues without recognising what is happening. These individuals can hide behind positions of trust, including charity, religion, politics, community work, or almost any other setting.

Psychosis is so prevalent today that those who suffer the most delusions and disconnect from reality are the very ones people trust the most and very easily!! They are the ones gaslighting, deflecting, and pointing the finger at others, calling the healthy ones crazy, delusional, obsessed, sick, unhinged, perverted, predators, stalkers. You name it, they will project it onto someone innocent and it’s always who they are behind the mask.

3. Many in society today encourage promiscuity in women. But they discourage women from focusing on finding a good, healthy, stable, and spiritual man to settle down with, get married to, and have a family with. They say they should focus on their career instead and being the boss. When women are not safe anywhere alone, even around other women sometimes. The most victimised women are women who are isolated and alone. Without strong family ties!! They will be targeted by predators of all kinds.

MY HUMBLE ADVICE TO SINGLE WOMEN: IS THIS:

Women need to be very successful to be able to afford the kind of secure life needed to not be vulnerable to such attacks, and most aren’t or never arrive to “there.”

I’m sharing this for all women young and older (it’s never too late), don’t listen to society. You are much safer with even a small, strong community of real, trusted people. If you can’t find a husband, don’t ever be alone. Because that’s when these types of vultures take advantage and leave you with nothing.

While you wait for God’s person, become accomplished in many things, not just one, and educated in many things. It will give you far more options to switch and change. I am qualified in almost any career and any line of work. From fashion to farming, to business, to creative (music), to art (photography), to health (integrative medicine), travel, and tourism. You name it. I have tried it, studied it, or become it! So that if something isn’t working for me, I switch it up and change, and I am never without options. My resume continues to grow. Don’t ever rely on one talent, one occupation or one steam of income.

Where the Wildflowers Bloomed: My Years at Laura Ashley….

Learn about mental illness and identifying psychotic disorders in yourself and others. If you see the signs, beware. Stay aware, move, shift, and change your life. Seek spiritual counselling and guidance where needed for yourself. Build strong, watertight boundaries with strangers and do not make friends easily if you are alone. But keep your true friends, even one close. Because that one friend could save your life and keep you safe. Be safe online with strangers and don’t treat them like your friend. Because that’s where predators of all kinds are.

Stay in church, stay close to a HOLY and righteous church community. Real Christians, who are not pursuing wealth through using Gods or Jesus’ name or fame, who are humble and not following fake prophets and immoral pastors. But where you can find real spiritual guidance if you need it. The humble, trustworthy, and Godly kind. To me there is only one like that.

I have been to many churches in my lifetime and learnt so much from each one, but I have also faced spiritually manipulative people who used the Bible for profit, to deceive, control, and manipulate others for self-gain and to build their own church. They deceived people into believing that they were God’s true church. When Jesus’ Church, founded through Peter, was the Catholic Church, that’s where I have found my spiritual home and learnt that it actually is the spiritual home for all Christians.

That’s what the word Catholic means.

It has helped heal so many spiritual wounds in me from being in the world and being misled by all kinds of beliefs from the world. Catholicism made it simple, but also showed me that a spiritual home that is real, gentle, powerful, true, and beautiful is possible and where I belong.

Never trust a priest, pastor or preacher who isn’t humbly teaching their flock about sexual immorality, modesty, purity, chastity, and holiness. By example and by word. Because today many ignore this in the Holy Word. Everybody commits these sins and they can lead to many forms of harm against yourself and others. When women let themselves be used or they use others in this way it puts them in harms way and others in the way of harm too. We must never forget the countless innocent babies murdered because women are deceived that sexual immorality isn’t harmful and that aborting a baby in the womb isn’t the same as murdering a baby outside the womb.

Without being cold, cruel and unwelcoming, remember that whether it is a man or woman, don’t trust anyone easily. Even if they seem vulnerable and harmless. You don’t know who they know, where they come from or who they can bring into your life or even your home. Especially those who are immediately charming, sweet, or alluring. The Bible is clear: that’s how they deceive you! They use charm and physical beauty (Proverbs 31). The worst and most dangerous people are the most charming people you will ever meet. Some use their physical appearance to seduce or trick you into trusting them. You will think that you met your soulmate each and every time or at least a sweet, kind new friend or person. Because they do mirror people and claim to live and be exactly like their target.

Keep social media in perspective. It’s just social media. It’s meant to keep you informed and entertained. It’s not meant to be your social network, your family, your friend circle (unless your friends are online). It serves a purpose. And don’t abuse it to seek friends and family.

You have to get to know people. You have to recognize a good influence that you need from one that could end your life.

I say this as a woman who has navigated this world and survived. Who has come across some of the most beautiful people while travelling, but also some of the worst, both online and in life.

I know the difference between having a strong, capable, and committed partner in life and not. Being single, alone and targeted because I was, alone sometimes.

I know the difference between a true and timeless friendship and friends who just pass through your life.

I know how to survive this world as a woman.

And many of you will need to learn to survive. They don’t teach these lessons in school, college, or university.

So they leave so many people without stability and safety. The basic things you need to survive and thrive.

One of the most important things I would tell single women is this: learn to manage your money and finances early. Don’t sacrifice your earnings for others when you are young or even older, unless they are your dependant children. Not a church or family member. Protect your wealth and give to yourself first. Because even family members will forget that you ever contributed or gave them that wealth.

They will walk on you the second a hard time comes and accuse you of owning and having nothing, being a burden and squandering your wealth. While they live in the house that you built or bought from your wealth.

So be generous always to the poor. But know the difference between giving to the poor and being exploited for the money you make and your kindess.

It’s evil to gossip and slander anyone without cause. It doesn’t matter who it is. How much more if it is your family member. Your family are your first ministry. Don’t ever get it twisted. That’s God’s expectation and why God created family. As smaller communities that can help each other survive. If you have a family member who has committed a crime, be careful to be sure that they did it before you report them or say they did. Because if you are wrong, it could ruin them for life, it could destroy your relationship with them for life too. Even if they forgive you, they will never trust you again.

That’s the best advice I can give to women, young and older, who are single right now.

Lastly, don’t make any person or man your God. Not a parent or stranger.

The Lord is Lord, and no one can guide you, love you perfectly, protect you completely, fill you with joy, provide for you financially and physically, all in one, like God.

If you remember the lessons in the Bible and follow sound advice and wisdom, you will more than survive. You may get to a place that feels like “there.” To a place of safety, to home and to yourself. To a place of achieving your most beautiful and grandest, “richest” life. That has nothing to do with money, fame or people, at all.

You may even find that you yourself have achieved your grandest dream of being a Godly woman of noble character, a true friend, a delicious, cherished partner who then, in a short time, becomes a real wife and a precious, adored, and respected-respectable mother.

Because ultimately, in my humble opinion, that’s where I believe most women are craving to be. That’s where most women feel safe and most at home. Because the home and safety you create inside becomes the home and safety you experience on the outside. The safety and stability you get to experience that is real and tangible. Not forced, not concocted, not in pretence, but whole, resilient, content, and impenetrable to vultures and predators of all kinds.

For now that’s my humble advice. Take what you need.

Juliet.